songs that moved me today

Hallelujah / Jeff Buckley

Accidental Babies / Damien Rice

what summer feels like

Hanging out in the park, surreptitiously sipping alcohol in plastic Solo cups and being nonchalant in front of cruising cops, enjoying the warm weather, watching people going about their business on bikes, tennis courts and softball fields, laughing, eating whatever everyone brings to the potluck, and watching other people set up the net and play badminton.

Summer is all about the total chill time. Summer weekends? Leave the watch and the Blackberry at home. Never be on time. De-accessorize. Libertad!

best. night. ever.

photo by joel didriksen for kingpinphoto.com

The day started off with seeing friends, eating cinnamon rolls and general fun 'n' games. Now I'm sitting here listening to Rufus Wainwright live in concert at the Gramercy Theater in NYC courtesy of NPR and the lovely peeps at WNYC. I really should spring for computer speakers; the one on the Mac Mini does not cut it.

RW is a lyricist in the old-fashioned sense - words structured in such a way that he says things quite plainly, but it hits you a second or two after you hear the line. He is heavily influenced by all that opera to which he listened between the ages of 14 and 24 [I think that's right], and that was it. No rock, no jazz, no folk. Just opera. Not only can he write circles around most, he sings with a whole lot of moxie and grace.

I can die happy right now.

why blog?

I've never kept a diary in my life, save the time when I was eight and wrote about a crush I had on some older guy [he probably was 12 or thereabouts] in Chinese class and my mom naturally read the entry and subsequently gave me a lecture on love crap that to this day makes me go red. Mortification, my soul is yours.

Anyway. Being publicly anonymous has its advantages. I'm speaking to an unseen audience and thusly can be freer in what I want to say. [note: what is the sound of one hand clapping?] I'm not interested in competing with everyone else on Blogger and elsewhere. This is a haven for me and random friends stopping along the way. Some inside jokes, some catching up with the news from my front, some thoughts that generally have no place in everyday conver.

It's also a good place to experiment with turns of phrase, such as "mortification, my soul is yours." My everyday speech is decidedly more pedestrian. Then again, I can't go around talking like a weird 19th century grunge refugee either.

awakening, part II

I'm now getting the itch to be outdoors, rather than indoors in a climate-controlled environment. Spending warm weekend afternoons lounging around the porch and backyard is contributing to my increasing flakiness. My eastward view looking over the Chicago River with representative buildings from every era - from the Lyric Opera building to the Sears Tower to shiny stainless and glass modern fare - doesn't help either.

I've never been much for the outside life. I am not a happy camper, literally; I prefer my nature bug-free and amenity-rich. Now I can sit in a swarm of gnats and not become too grossed out. Fat earthworms creeping slowly toward me is another matter entirely.

I'm even thinking about getting a bike (and those of you know me really well are thinking, "holy f***stacks! pang wants to get a bike!"), and I want one from these guys. Tell me that is not the best looking bunch o' bicycles you've ever seen. Give me the Townie in turquoise floral fade. And dang it, I want a basket in front.

omigod, omigod, OMIGOD!

In August I'm going to two cool concerts: Rufus Wainwright at Ravinia and Crowded House at the House of Blues. I've seen the latter maybe three or four times since the early '90s before they disbanded. Hot damn!

Now my project for the summer is to coerce someone(s) into going with me since I bought pairs o' tix and there's the looming chance that D-Money won't be interested in either. Campaign starting in three, two, one...now.

We're also getting a group of ex-co-workers-who-are-still-fast-friends together for Lyle Lovett and k.d. lang at Ravinia later this month. That'll be an interesting crowd, and we'll be part of it.

I am a music dork. I should wave the hipster card and go to Pitchfork like a proper indie Gen-Xer, but why be so predictable, right?

awakening

Since we moved to Chicago, I feel as though I'd been living in a period of dormancy insofar as writing and other creative pursuits go. Now that the kids are less dependent and I've found a cool, new group of friends who are invigorating and awesome in so many ways, the sleeper is awakening. For a month, I've been trying to write something, no matter how short, every day. The blog counts. I viewed my sad posting history; I'm going to surpass 2005 and 2006 with posts from 2007 alone! And it's neat to see the files piling up in their special folder on the hard drive.

I'm still working on the resolutions. Again, what is September going to bring? I need to get working on that time machine.

I'm getting good at this camera phone stuff.

mama and daughter ready for close-up,
originally uploaded by urban mama.

Today was a washout of a day in terms of social activities, so Zee and I walked down to the DQ for some icy cold goodness. I started messing around with the camera phone and took this groovy shot. I'm damn proud of myself. I wish I could've gotten more of her face, and less of mine, but still, not bad!

The DQ cone I got her was about as big as her head. It was allegedly a "small". Ha.

random moment no. 912

The minis having a "laughing party" - Zee's words - in the back seat of the station wagon during a supercraptastic commute home. I don't know what inspired the party, but I can report that there was chuckling, chortling, giggling, guffawing and full-on belly laughing.

Instructions for Life

I've been meaning to put this up for some time. It's all over the net but hell, I always need reminding. Incidentally, it's really not by the Dalai Lama, contrary to popular belief.

• Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  
• When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
  
• Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
  
• Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
  
• Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
  
• Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  
• When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  
• Spend some time alone every day.
  
• Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
  
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  
• Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
  
• A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
  
• In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
  
• Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
  
• Be gentle with the earth.
  
• Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
  
• Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
  
• Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
  
• Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon. [this one is too near and dear to my heart.]
  

my favorite new saying, no. 2

"Engage the filter."

Otherwise known as, "Self edit! Self edit!"

calling child services

We had a big Memorial Day bash at the house today that was designed to capture everyone who didn't already have plans.

Children ranged from non-walking babies to strapping preschoolers. Nearly full nudity abounded. Mud and water play was rampant. Curious sipping of alcoholic beverages by toddler was witnessed, as was sidewalk chalk chomping. Many a child was passed out as the day drew to an end. Someone had scrawled a big "Thank You" with baby-drool covered chalk on the concrete walk. The grass was littered with food that even the rogue squirrels terrorizing the 'hood won't touch.

So all in all...success!

so effing good

If you people haven't gotten your hands on a copy of Wilco's "Sky Blue Sky" yet, what the hell are you waiting for? GO DO IT NOW. For God's sake.

Plus, Tweedy lives near me. Nyah nyah nyah!

i'm married to whom?

from the files of D-Money:

office conversation turned to who would play whom in a movie. D-Money's list, as decided upon by his staff, was:

• Keanu Reeves (assumption that this is shameless ass-kissing, but personally, I wouldn't mind having a Keanu lookalike around the house.)
  
• Ethan Hawke (spot on. When we first started hanging out together, he reminded me of a young EH, especially in "Before Sunrise".)
  
• Steve Carell (hopefully based on his character in "The Office" and NOT character in "Little Miss Sunshine" - not so much of the gay aspect but more that living with the world's foremost Proust scholar would be insufferable)
  

welcome, mid-life crisis

2007 has been turning into a year of deep thought and decision making. It may have something to do with the impending 20th high school reunion for the class of 1987. [yikes!] It's in October, and I don't know if I want to go. Not because I don't think I can hold my own against former classmates, but because I don't feel the need to revisit a really crap time in my life.

I think a lot about my younger years. I know that we'd all like to go back to our 20s armed with the knowledge we've amassed since then, and we all know it's a seriously flawed construct. I for one am very glad not to be in my 20s anymore. It was a decade of very bad behavior, deep insecurity and terrible decisions. We used to mock the people who whined, "I need to find myself." You're right there, buddy. But a lot of us were lost, trying to straddle the line between being a kid and suddenly being a grown-up with little guidance. I applaud the people who had goals early on and achieved them, but I couldn't (and still can't) think past next Thursday without getting hives. You are not going to ever find me on a 40 under 40 list. But maybe, just maybe, I'll be a wise old guru to whom people go for sage advice. Sitting in my cozy cave on the top of an easily scaleable mountain. The walk to get to me will be pretty and verdant. I'd serve high tea - earl grey, those tiny sandwiches, lemon curd, scones.

The 30s thus far have been awesome. I can always beat myself up for not achieving more, but given my propensity for being noncommital, I've done okay. I can't complain.

So, the 40s will most definitely kick ass! The kids will be older, and we'll do a lot more traveling. If we're lucky, we can take one trip a year, to cool places like London, Shanghai, Sydney. I suppose we should do the Mt. Rushmore road trip thing too. And the Grand Canyon.

It's all about not being static, but changing and going with the flow. I read somewhere that your destiny (if you believe in destiny) is always the same; the journey to get there is the process that's subject to change.

the book pile

I have no business buying any more books because the current pile of unread, untouched goodness now includes:

Special Topics in Calamity Physics/Marisha Pessl
Cloud Atlas/David Mitchell
The Omnivores' Dilemna/Michael Pollan
Dreams from My Father/Barack Obama
Toast/Nigel Slater
What is the What/Dave Eggers
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle/Barbara Kingsolver
Arthur & George/Julian Barnes

And I just ordered a signed 1st of Michael Chabon's "The Yiddish Policeman's Union" (because I love him) and Haruki Murakami's "After Dark". I am going to become the crazy old woman who is crushed to death by piles of unread literature.

Let's not forget the last two Harry Potters AND the new one coming out in July that I've already pre-ordered. Come on, it's a landmark event! The kids will inherit those anyway (except for the special first edition Bloomsbury hardcover. That one will end up on Antiques Roadshow one of these years.). Oh, how I like to justify the addiction.

Someone, please, tell me to stop. But not really.

the nicest thing anyone's ever written about me

I was poking around on Friendster - nice that I haven't looked at it since 2003 and forgot about it. So I updated my profile slightly. And saw Kennedy's comment:

Amy is smart, creative, pretty, and has a
wonderful smile. But don't let that fool you.
She will kick your ass if you get on her bad
side, and you'll be all "what the..." and she'll
be all "that's right, bee-yatch!!"

I heart ya! Mwah!

separation anxiety

I was in California for a work-related trip - the first I've taken since leaving my job in L.A. It was easier then: throw everything into a suitcase, pick up trashy reads at Hudson News and shut off the brain when in flight. Now that there are kids in the equation, factor in coordination of husband's schedule, draft menu for days gone, make copious amounts of food so there's no excuse for not eating...in addition to all the post 9/11 alert issues and remembering to wear socks and shoes because otherwise you're going barefoot through the security gate.

I admit to having mild, concealed panic attacks on the cab ride to the airport. Not that I don't trust my children's father to take adequate care of them, but I've been so attached to them from day one that it felt as though they were being ripped from me. I bitch all the time about their demanding little natures but at the end of the day, I'm the mama.

It was good to be away and to have a sweet reunion. Zee hugged me, and O gave me the stinkeye before bursting into tears. Though I don't know if he was overwhelmed with emotion or peeved about his poopy diaper.

On a lighter note, my new favorite band no one's ever heard of: http://www.thegostation.com/audio.htm. "C'mon" is perfect for warm weather listening. Sort of a mishmash of Brit pop and Third Eye Blind. Whatever. I like them.

home, sort of

We were in San Francisco on a family visit and neighborhood vetting tour recently. You can't go home again, but, seeing the city from an expat's perspective, I understand now why people enjoy living there, despite the cost of living (though you can argue that London and Tokyo would be worse).

What I loved:
- Considerably less traffic than I expected. Now, we drove during non-commuting hours and stayed in a residential neighborhood, but not once did I get the blood boiling sensation I get in Chicago or L.A.
- Great food can be found in holes-in-the-wall for very reasonable prices
- California chill-out attitude
- The cool little playground the kids and I frequented almost every day while we were there
- Dogs everywhere
- All of the renovations going on in Golden Gate Park. The massive Children's Playground at the east end is getting some groovy stuff in. If they still had the equipment that I used to climb on 30 years ago, I would be concerned.


What I didn't love:
- The insularity of the natives (best place to live according to you)
- The pushing out of lower income residents
- Ugly residential architecture
- Goofy public school lottery system
- Overall lack of diversity from a socioeconomic standpoint

That being said, I'd still want to move back if given the chance.

my favorite new saying

"Stupid should hurt."

Go on, spread the love!