Saturday, July 30, 2005

A friend from high school days killed himself a week ago. Not expected at all. In my mind, he was a little quirky but fun. I never got the impression that he suffered as much as he did. R reminded me that he and his older brother were always pitted against each other by their father, who wanted them both to be competitive and outdo the other. Could that wear someone down to the point that death was preferable? I can speculate all I want about the causes, the motivation, but I'm too removed now to really understand.

I am sad, though I haven't cried. I feel lonely. I haven't kept up with this crowd. It brings into sharp relief how isolated I am. I never had a best friend growing up, just a succession of people with whom I tried to be best friends. Is there something in my make-up that prevents me from having a best friend or two? Do I really need a best friend? What do I have to offer someone as a potential best friend?

I think people would be surprised at the above statement. I'm essentially an introvert and value my private time. Usually, there's nothing I like better than a quiet house so I can read or putter about.

Onward to more cheerful topics, I'm downloading Dan Zanes' "House Party" for Z-Bot and OX. It's surprisingly good and easy on the adult ears. This and the Lisa Loeb/Elizabeth Mitchell album are Z-Bot's favorites, for now.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

what I listened to this afternoon

Whip-Smart / Liz Phair
Life For Rent / Dido
Amos Lee

I have officially given up my trendsetter (ha) mantle because I got an iPod courtesy of D-Money. But, true to form, he made it different from (I think) everyone else's by engraving the following quote from Henry David Thoreau on the back: "Music is the sound of the universal laws promulgated." Top THAT, sucka.

Monday, July 25, 2005

but I don't want to be an architect!

I've been taking a lot of these career assessment tests, and I keep getting "architect" as a good fit for my skills. Feh! No thank you. While I like working with architects and find them interesting and fun co-workers, I really don't want to throw myself into the fray.

Plus, I can't draw.

Yeah, it's flattering to be diagnosed as someone who has the potential to be an architect, but seriously, so not me.

Most people I know think I should be in some sort of design field. But, there is a difference between being a designer and possessing refined aesthetics. The latter is applicable to me, not the former. Meaning, I can pick out the fabulous couch but Lord help me if I were asked to design one from scratch.

Back to the assessment tests. A few salient points about my personality:

    Apparently, I need to work with smart people -- people who are intelligent, leaders in their fields, well-read and well-rounded -- in order to feel adequately stimulated and excited about work. Now, that's not to say I don't appreciate sharing celebrity gossip or where to buy cool peep-toe pumps (v. hot for the fall season), but intellectual stimulation and curiosity are important.

    I need order. My desk may look messy, but I know exactly what is in each pile and where it is.

    I like research and managing projects. On a more human level, I like helping people.

    And, I want a manageable career so I'm not working ridiculous overtime when I'd rather be helping Z-Bot and OX with their homework and rock guitar lessons.

Now I just gotta figure out what to do about it.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

hottest. day. ever.

Chicago broke the 100-degree barrier today. Z-Bot and I managed half an hour in the kiddie pool before I called it quits. Her room is sweltering, poor baby, even with the fan and a/c on. But I just peeked in and she's sleeping soundly.

Her new favorite dvd is "My Neighbor Totoro", which is required daily viewing pre-bedtime. Thank God I can turn it off after 15 minutes and not have to do a full showing each time. I think she likes watching the little girls, Satsumi and Mei, and learning how to be a girl from them. Honestly, I'd rather watch this than the Baby Einsteins.

Monday, July 11, 2005

oh yes. third trimester, here I come.

The sad fact of the day is that I rode the Brown Line about six blocks so I wouldn't have to walk them. And, of course, I took the train (Orange Line this time) to get back.

At least I didn't take a cab.