Saturday, July 30, 2005

A friend from high school days killed himself a week ago. Not expected at all. In my mind, he was a little quirky but fun. I never got the impression that he suffered as much as he did. R reminded me that he and his older brother were always pitted against each other by their father, who wanted them both to be competitive and outdo the other. Could that wear someone down to the point that death was preferable? I can speculate all I want about the causes, the motivation, but I'm too removed now to really understand.

I am sad, though I haven't cried. I feel lonely. I haven't kept up with this crowd. It brings into sharp relief how isolated I am. I never had a best friend growing up, just a succession of people with whom I tried to be best friends. Is there something in my make-up that prevents me from having a best friend or two? Do I really need a best friend? What do I have to offer someone as a potential best friend?

I think people would be surprised at the above statement. I'm essentially an introvert and value my private time. Usually, there's nothing I like better than a quiet house so I can read or putter about.

Onward to more cheerful topics, I'm downloading Dan Zanes' "House Party" for Z-Bot and OX. It's surprisingly good and easy on the adult ears. This and the Lisa Loeb/Elizabeth Mitchell album are Z-Bot's favorites, for now.

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