Sunday, September 09, 2012

just uncomfortable enough



I signed up for an online creative writing workshop which kicked off last week. I turned in my first assignment today. I also posted a bio a couple of days ago. Both of these activities were a little terrifying.

To back up a bit, I decided to take this class because I felt the need to start writing in a structured environment again. Past attempts at online classes have failed miserably because I was undisciplined and impatient. Taking online classes is a solitary activity as well; there are fewer ways to be held accountable by your classmates if you don't have to physically face them. Now that I've stabilized my life - and learned how to comfortably schedule time for myself without feeling pounds of guilt on my shoulders - I feel better equipped to get through the next six weeks without flaming out.

The next hurdle is putting my work out for public consumption. I haven't been in a writers' workshop for nearly 20 years. I'm not super confident that my writing assignments are going to be any good by my own measure. The point, though, is to just get started in a non-threatening environment. I keep telling myself that.

I submitted my first piece with surprisingly minimal angst. My bio was another matter. Not only did I have to write, I had to explain myself. The first version had a defensive tone. The second version delved into residual issues from my teen years. The third, fourth, fifth...all had flaws. Then I finally got stern with myself and stopped belaboring style and tone. I uploaded three short paragraphs and didn't look back.

I've mentioned before that I like pushing myself. The unchallenged life is a dull one. I'm just uncomfortable enough to make the most of this opportunity.

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