the catch-up and current events

It's been a while since my mind has been clear enough to post. Work was a priority - one massive project after another. One more deadline this Friday and no - I repeat, no - deadlines next week. I'm trying to line up some interviews for potential new staff. I need to trek to a few art stores to source portfolios to hold our collateral (oh, twist my arm). So, fun projects lay in the horizon to break up the routine.

During this time, I read a lot in between deadlines. I had no other way to destress. I picked up Hand Wash Cold by Karen Maezen Miller, a Zen Buddhist priest. Reading this book centered me, calmed me, readjusted some debilitating negative emotions within me. I'm still referring to various chapters when times get rough.

A bright spot to spring was our family camp excursion to Camp Jones Gulch. A big success all around, except for the bunk beds. I must be getting on because bed comfort was never a strong suit with me, but waking up completely sore was not the most amazing experience ever.

We hiked, explored the woods, poked around streams, kissed banana slugs (well, Mr. O did), played games, swam in the crazy cold pool (all but me, I knew better), gorged on classic camp food, watched part of 'The Princess Bride' on movie night, climbed a terrifying 42-foot tall rock wall (none of us made it to the top), rode horses, observed chickens, admired the garden and compost heap, and other things too numerous to list here.

One lovely memory from our long weekend was Z waking up at the crack of dawn and pulling opening the gingham curtains of our ramshackle cabin to see what was outside. She lay there for a good half hour, peacefully observing.

School is winding down for the year. Summer day camp starts next week for the minis. I feel that this is really going to be a kick-ass summer, even though it is foggy and damp in my part of town.

work + parenting

I work full-time in a challenging job that by turns exhilarates and exhausts me. I am constantly terrified of screwing up. I have a deathly fear of failure, which I'm trying to get over because paralysis is not an option. 

And yes, I'm talking about both Career Job and parenting the minis.

Being a mother and working outside the home is tough. I have a compulsion to push myself, and it generally backfires on me. There are times when I feel that neither realms are getting the attention they need because I'm being pulled one way or the other. Eventually, everyone's annoyed, and I want to go fetal for a week.

The one lesson I'm learning is that I need to dial back and focus. Instead of doing 20 things, take 10 of those and do them very well. I can't get my act together to bake cookies from scratch with the minis, but I can read books until I'm hoarse. I'm not the most creative brainstormer, but I can ask people about their work and go deep with my understanding of that work. 

Now I need to get off my arse and do it.

today's playlist: music for deadlines

Sound of Silver | LCD Soundsystem
Renegades | Rage Against the Machine
Is This It? | The Strokes
Decksanddrumsandrockandroll | Propellerheads
Paul's Boutique | Beastie Boys
Hot Fuss | The Killers
Beaucoup Fish | Underworld
Reggatta De Blanc | The Police
American Idiot | Green Day

snapshot: today's iPod playlist of music for working girls

Feels Like Home | Norah Jones
Corinne Bailey Rae
Poses | Rufus Wainwright
Plans | Death Cab for Cutie
various NPR Fresh Air and Music podcasts
The Mix-Up | Beastie Boys

i dig my new job

I started a new job last Monday. Without giving away too much, I am writing and coordinating proposals for an E/A firm. It's corporate, but it's good corporate, meaning that there's a genuine desire to maintain a work/life balance and people generally are well-intentioned.

Ten years ago, I would've thought this was too square of a place to work. Having worked for "cutting edge" firms, I can say that, yeah, I landed in a good place. The problem with being cutting edge is that there is constant, unrelenting pressure to be cutting edge all the damn time. You can't. You just can't. But a lot of people think you can, and therein lies the problem. I'll take less stress in a less glam industry, thank you. I'm treated well, am respected by co-workers, have access to free coffee and water, leave at 5 p.m. and have the option of bringing the laptop home if I need to...not a shabby trade-off at all.

In other news, we're gearing up for our weeklong trip to SF. We've already got a full schedule - brunch here, birthday party there, dinner over that way. I'm looking forward to exploring my hometown with the minis. Not that they'll remember too much, but in a way, I'm sharing my experience as a kid with them.